Amaranth

I'm not a vegetarian, and I'm miles away from being vegan, but sometimes I find something to try that I'm fairly certain only the rawest of raw food vegans have ever eaten. 

OK, well, maybe I'm generalizing. To be fair, though, I'd never heard of Amaranth before except in some of the raw food, vegan blogs I've come across.  For all I know, everyone has a big container of it next to their Triscuits and I'm the last person on earth to find out about it.   DON'T JUDGE ME!

At any rate, during the afore mentioned trip to Earth Fare, I saw that the bulk containers had just been filled, and I saw the Amaranth and decided to try it!  I was a little scared, because trying stuff from the bulk bins that you've never had before is hit or miss at best.  It's the worst when you get a bag of some unidentifiable grain or beans or whatever and find out you hate it.  Then you have to fight the guilt of throwing away perfectly good food.   I got a very small scoop of the stuff, just in case it was disgusting, and brought it home.

 Raw Amaranth Seeds

Amaranth is tiny.  It's a seed rather than a grain, and if the websites I read about it are correct it's super nutritious, full of protein, and used to be part of an ancient Aztec harvest celebration where there were games, music and human sacrifice!  Who wouldn't love to try a grain that led people to ripping out hearts?!!

I had to look up how to cook with the stuff, because you don't tend to just come across Amaranth as an ingredient in your more mainstream cook books!  You can use it in all kinds of ways.  The most common way I found was making it like some kind of porridge, but I'll be honest, I was too scared to try it that way first.  It looks like cream of wheat or grits, and I just couldn't face the slimy looking texture.  Plus...it takes a long time to cook like that, and I was too hungry to wait!  The most interesting way I found to use it is to pop it like popcorn!

It's the tiniest, cutest popcorn ever!

I never knew anything else popped like popcorn, and this sounded too fun not to try.  Another great thing is that you only need a little bit to make a lot of the popped stuff, so I took about half of what I had and got to popping!

It literally only takes a few seconds to pop this stuff, and you have to have a super hot pan with a cover, preferably a glass cover so you can keep watch.   I learned the thing about the cover the hard way, because the one time I opened the top before the seeds had stopped popping, they went everywhere.  You put a few tablespoons in the pan at a time, and shake the pan while they pop.  It's like the old-school popcorn method, I guess.   You have to be very careful not to burn it.  Once it stops popping, you have to pour it into another container, or the heat from the pot will burn it.  It took less than 5 minutes to pop all of the seeds I'd set aside, and I soon had about 2/3 cup of the popped Amaranth.  

It didn't smell...good.  I mean, it wasn't a bad, gagging smell or anything, but it was a little like burnt grass.  I was afraid I'd actually burnt the seeds, but when I tasted them, I was pleasantly surprised!  It had an awesome texture and tasted really good!  I think my brain wanted it to taste more like actual popcorn than it really did, but it's just different enough to be interesting! 

My first thought was to salt it and eat it like tiny popcorn, but that would have taken me all day.  I found out that you can add nuts and fruit to it and eat it like cereal, which is what I did!  I really liked it, even though it tasted kind of odd.  I don't know if it was actually odd-tasting, or if I just kept on expecting it to taste like actual popcorn.  It was a bit like unsweetened Sugar Smacks, if that makes even a lick of sense, but I added some Splenda (I know, I know) strawberries and almonds, and poured milk over the whole mess.  It was awesome!

I don't know if I'd want to go to the trouble of popping the seeds every morning, but it definitely was a good, and surprisingly filling, breakfast.  The smell is still kind of lingering through the house, which isn't so great, but I'm hoping that will go away before this afternoon.  Eventually, I'll get brave enough to make the porridge, but I can't imagine liking it better that way.  Seriously, you should try this stuff!  An entire ancient civilization of human sacrificing Indians (ahem - indigenous peoples) can't be wrong!  :)

WEBSITE- No specific website, but online recipes abound!

SERVING SIZE: 1/4 dry, uncooked, but it bulks up like crazy no matter what way you cook it.
CALORIES: 186
CARBS: 32
TASTE: Very good!  If popped, it's nutty, popcorny, and like unsweetened Sugar Smacks. The texture is also fun!  Cooked the other way...I'm not sure.  I'm still too scared to try!  :)

VIRGIL'S ZERO REAL COLA

Wow. 

This.  I almost don't know what to say about this.  I'll just work my way around...

I love to try new drinks and sodas, I really do.  I will buy a new kind of soda, or heck, even a slightly altered flavor of soda I'm already familiar with, in a heartbeat.  I've even been known to buy soda simply because the bottle was interesting.  I can't help it.  It's like some kind of sick compulsion. 

Most of the time I'm pleasantly surprised by the types of drinks I come across.  Yes, some of them have been too sweet, some weren't sweet enough, and I've found a few I haven't liked very much, but on the whole, there are very few kinds that I've encountered that I've found completely undrinkable. Even the ones I don't care for, I usually tough out by drinking them with meals or something that takes away from the taste.  What I'm saying, is that I can usually finish off most of whatever it is I've bought.

Until today.  Dear baby Jesus...today.

I picked up a bottle of Virgil's Zero Real Cola while on a trip to Earth Fare.  If you aren't familiar with the store, I'd describe it as a big, organic market for rich hippies. There are all kinds of interesting things to buy and taste there, so I love my infrequent visits because the stock has usually been rotated and I always come away with something new.  The drinks aisle is this wonderland of organic, unusual sodas.  They are generally national brands, but nothing so "pedestrian" as Coke or Dr. Pepper.  One thing I've noticed, is that a lot of these drinks are not sweetened with sugar.  They have different kinds of sugar-alternatives, generally, which is bad for me because I don't like most alternative sweeteners.  Anything artificial, and I'm gagging at the bitterness of it.  Anything natural, but not sugar, has this weird...planty taste to me.  I can't explain it any better than that.  They taste planty.  Now, I know sugar also comes from plants, but it doesn't taste planty, it just tastes sweet.  That's the beauty of sugar, though, I guess.

But I digress. 

I picked up the soda because I've had other kinds of Virgil's soda and liked it just fine.  It isn't one of my go-to brands, but I have enjoyed the stuff that we've bought in the past.  I was excited to see the "Zero" cola, because I enjoy Coke Zero and thought that a artisan soda with no calories would be awesome!  I tend to like artisan cola drinks, because you can usually taste the different kinds of flavorings more clearly than you can with Coke or Pepsi.  Maybe it's just me. 

Well, I decided to try this soda while I was eating my dinner, thinking that even if it wasn't the best thing, I could still drink it without a problem.  Unfortunately, I had overestimated my ability to soldier through untried sodas.

My first (and honestly, my only) sip of Virgil's Zero Real Cola began with the surprised thought of "Oooh! Cinnamon! I like cinnamon!" and ended with "Holy God, what evil beast expelled this bile from its most foul orifice?!"  I couldn't drink anymore of it.  I simply couldn't.  It was disgusting.  It was bitter and it coated my mouth and throat with it's taste.  I wish I could be more specific than that, but I couldn't drink anymore.  I ran to the kitchen and immediately poured it down the sink.  You may not think it's fair to review a soda that I barely tasted, but I am only being honest here.  I have never, ever tasted anything like that before, and if God loves me, I will never have to taste anything like that again. 

Honestly, I think it was the stevia leaf extract that was the cause of my problems.  I checked all of the other ingredients, and they are all familiar to me.  Stevia I've only had a few times, and each time I've been less than impressed at whatever it is in.  My apologies to Reeds inc. for my feelings about their product, but damn...  I've had lots of products from that company, and none of the others has sent me running towards the sink in a blind panic.  If I can come across a version of Virgil's Cola without the stevia, I'd love to try it to see if the regular kind is any better, but I don't want to drink this version of it ever, ever again.  Do not want.

WEBSITE- Virgil's
SERVING SIZE: 1 Bottle
CALORIES: 0
CARBS: 0
TASTE: Bad. BADBADBAD!

Bible Bread

Not far from where I live, there is an old health food store called Pearly Gates.  The store itself is old.  Well...not like, it-used-to-be-a-general-store old, but it opened in 1968, and moved to it's current location in 1972, which in my opinion is old!  It is dark and crowded, and sells the most bizarre collection of stuff I've ever seen in one place.  The shop boasts a stock of 750 different spices, herbs and other unusual ingredients that I've never heard of, all in mismatched containers lining one wall.  They sell obscure health foods, wine and beer making ingredients, incense, natural cosmetics and medicines, and strange ointments and teas marked with Chinese and Japanese writings that I don't at all understand.  There is also a small collection of occult items, altar bells, and things that baffle my Southern Baptist mind.  I've often joked that any Hogwart's student could walk in and buy any and all of their potion ingredients there if they wanted to!  I think of it as the local Wiccan Super Store.  I absolutely love the place!  Sometimes, while the husband is visiting the local comic book shop to pick up his latest Green Lanterns, I walk down and peruse it's musty shelves, hoping to find some new and unusual thing to try.  I'm never disappointed!


While looking around the shop last Saturday, I picked up a few things.  Most of it was just bulk grains and tapioca balls, nothing to write home about, but the one new item I'd found to try was something called Bible Bread.

Wait, that doesn't sound grand enough.  You kind of have to imagine a loud, deep, echoing voice from the heavens saying the name: BIBLE BREAD!  Well, at least that's how I imagine the name being said when I look at the box.

Anyway...BIBLE BREAD is not really a bread-bread.  It's actually more of a cracker.  The box describes it as being "Inspired by a 3000 year baking tradition going back to the time of the Exodus, when the Israelites, in their flight from Egypt, prepared unleavened bread to sustain them on their journey to freedom."  Of course, it isn't the original recipe...oh no.  The makers of BIBLE BREAD added "Tasty, natural flavors mentioned in the bible."  Um...yum?  I don't know how I feel about that.  The bible talks about John the Baptist eating locusts, and you don't get much more natural than eating bugs.  Horf!

Luckily, the ingredients listed are completely bug free!  BIBLE BREAD is made of wheat flour, water, rye flour, corn starch, oat fibers, rice, oat, corn, sesame, salt and natural spices. 

The crackers themselves are largish, rectangular, and thin.  They remind me of Wasa bread or matzo or something like that, but much thinner.  They are very dry and brittle.  The box also mentions that BIBLE BREAD is all natural, with no preservatives, no artifical colors, low fat, cholesterol free, sugar free, dairy free and saturated fat free.

Unfortunately, the box doesn't say that they are also taste free, which would have been more useful.  I've literally eaten bits of cardboard that had more flavor than these crackers.  I'd say they are almost bitter in taste, but that would imply that you could actually taste something when you put them in your mouth.  I had to grab a mini Babybel to go along with the ones I had for a snack, just so that I could convince myself that it was actual food I was eating and not a deck of playing cards.  I didn't enjoy them very much, but I have a whole box of them that I'm going to have to figure out how to eat.  Such are the pitfalls of the adventurous food buyer, I suppose!

Actually, these might not be so bad if you used them to eat dips or melted cheese, or something that had a noticeable taste, but in my opinion, you'd be better off with chips or real bread.  The website also says that they have different flavors, so maybe the plain kind just don't pack enough punch.  I'll definitely try and finish the box, just so that they don't go to waste, but I'm not looking forward to it.

I wish I could have liked these, I really do.  I mean, if Moses and his people could live off of stuff like that for 40 years of desert wandering, you'd think they'd be good enough for me as an afternoon snack!


WEBSITE- BIBLE BREAD
SERVING SIZE: 2 crackers
CALORIES PER SERVING: 90
CARBS: 16
FLAVOR: 0

Hi!

I know what you're probably thinking...  Does the Internet really need another blog where some random, faceless person talks about how much they like or dislike something?

Well, no, but I absolutely love reviewing things and thought that it would be fun to have a blog dedicated to things I try and want to talk about.  It's as simple as that.

I'm kind of just flying by the seat of my pants here, so there won't be any specific category of things I plan on talking about.  Hopefully, I'll have the chance to try a lot of different things in the days to come and maybe some of those reviews will be useful to someone out there in the world.

Why should you listen to me?  Am I some kind of expert on product testing?  Well....no.  I'm not really an expert of anything in particular, but I am honest!  I figure if you want to know about something, you might as well find out about it from someone who will tell you the truth about it, right?

Anyway, I just thought this would be fun, so we'll see how it goes!