I'm going to have to admit one thing before I review this product: I get the heebs when I think about drinking coconut water. These are a different kind of heebs that I got from thinking about drinking coconut milk, though.
There are certain tests that any food or drink I'm going to consume have to pass before I can like them. 1) Does it feel weird? I'm really, really, sensitive to food textures. If it feels weird, I simply can't deal with it. There isn't any kind of specific "weird" feeling that I mean, but if it feels wrong, I just have to leave it alone. 2) Have I ever had an unpleasant experience with the food? If so...no dice. For example, I once had a cheeseburger from Checkers at the same time that I was unknowingly coming down with a violent case of stomach flu. To this day, even passing a Checkers while driving down the street causes me to become nauseous. 3) Have I heard anything odd about the food product that might turn me off from trying it?
Well, this particular product falls firmly in camp number 3.
When I think about coconuts, I tend to think about them in the most common terms: the shredded, sweetened coconut that you bake with, the creamy stuff that they make pina coladas with, coconut milk, the smell of suntan oil, and bras made out of the shells. You know, all the stereotypical stuff.
It has only been fairly recently that I've started seeing a lot of coconut water beverages popping up and reading about how good for you they can be. I have also read that it is full of potassium and other good minerals and such. However, in the process of reading about how awesome and versatile the stuff can be, I also came across the bit of trivia that causes the problem for me: coconut water can be used as an emergency replacement for blood plasma.
Horf.
I know that it is unfair to judge a thing by one strange detail. The fact is that many foods and drinks have been used for unusual, and non-comestible, reasons and should logically not turn me completely off of a thing. Heck, I've read somewhere that coke can be used to clean toilets, but that hasn't stopped me from having one on occasion. However, the idea that coconut water can be used intravenously just squicks me right the hell out. I don't know why. Maybe because it makes me think of blood or something, and while I did go through an adolescent Vampire Louis/Lestat infatuation phase, I've never had the desire or curiosity to drink blood for any reason. I'm hoping that most people haven't, but there is a weird kink out there for everyone, so you never know.
Anyway, the fact that coconut water can be used as emergency blood plasma and/or IV dehydration fluid makes my throat physically close up. However, in the interest of trying something new, I purchased a container of Naked Coconut Water + Pineapple on a recent trip to Target. To the devil with psychosomatic throat closings!
I decided to drink this beverage before going to bed. I was having my usual evening rations of cheddar goldfish crackers and I needed something to wash them down with. I figured that I could get past the thought of blood if I were otherwise distracted by delicious goldfish, so I settled back with my snack and tested it out.
Nope. NopeNopeNope. It didn't work. The taste wasn't bad, per se. In fact, the taste wasn't much of anything. It was like a completely neutral liquid with no taste at all except for the barest hint of pineapple in the background. I didn't detect coconut flavor in the least, and, in fact, it almost tasted faintly salty in a way. The salt wasn't residual from the crackers, either, because I tasted it before I ate any and still noticed it. I was expecting sort of a watery version of a pina colada, but that isn't what I got. It was like liquid nothing with a background scent of pineapple and a bit of salt. It didn't taste bad, but then again, it didn't taste like anything at all, really. It wasn't pleasant for me.
To be fair, I know that my main problem with it was the idea of blood plasma. Every time I took a sip (and I did finish the entire container) all I could think about was IV bags and sick people, which isn't conducive to enjoying any kind of food or drink, right? Also, my palate may not be sensitive enough to appreciate the obviously nuanced flavor of coconut water. I'll admit to that.
So, would I recommend it? Probably not. If we remove my admittedly unusual mental block dealing with medical fluids, we still get a bland, watery product that didn't distinguish itself in the least. If you're looking for a natural hydration drink to have after a workout or something, it might be something for you to try, but seriously, if I had the choice, I'd rather grab a Gatorade. It might not be delicious, but at least it has a flavor.
CALORIES:80
CARBS: ?
TASTE: Nothingness...with a hint of salty pineapple.
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