VARIOUS JAPANESE SNACKS: VIDEO REVIEW

OK, look, y'all.  I know that this particular set of reviews will not be useful to you unless you are thinking about buying some random Japanese snack foods.  In fact, I have no idea if all of them are Japanese or if some of them are from other places, mainly because I couldn't read the writing on the all of packages, just the English labels that said what each item was.  However, on the off chance that you need to know about this stuff, I reviewed it.  I also reviewed it on a video, which is new for me.  Sorry if I'm not the exotic Nordic goddess you'd envisioned in you mind while reading my other reviews, 'cause I know that's what you were doing.  Also, just a warning, the lighting in my kitchen is terrible, so I look a bit like a sea hag.  You've been warned, so don't be scared.

So, here is the story that prompted this particular thing:  Some of my very favorite cousins know that I like to try new, and often unusual, types of pre-packaged food. (FYI, I specify the "pre-packaged" part, because I'm not the kind of person who walks into a restaurant and orders the weirdest thing on the menu and hopes there isn't some form of testicle in it. I refuse to fall victim to some joker chef's shenanigans.)  Anyway, they sent me a care package crammed full of Asian snacks from a place called H Mart, or at least I think that's what it's called.   I loved-loved-loved the gift, and I thought to myself "Hey, since I can't share the snacks with them (which I probably would have done if they'd been here when I opened the box. Well, unless it was something really good and I wanted to hoard it.) I think I'll let them know what I thought about each package by video, so they can see my reaction to each different thing." So, in all honesty, this video was made specifically for the McGee family, but if you close your eyes and pretend, you can be a McGee for a moment and feel I'm talking to you!  I mean, if you want. 

Eh, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  So here is the video.  I know I usually go into a lot more detail with the items I review, but I made the video in July and just realized that it would be fun to post it here, so you'll just have to pause and write down the names of stuff if you want to buy it yourself because I don't have all of the packaging anymore!  Seriously, just pause the video and write the name of the stuff down.  Geez, I can't do everything for you, you know!

SPECIAL EDITION RED BULLS

When I was in college, I pretty much dozed through my art history classes for the entire duration of my college career.  It wasn't because I wasn't interested in the subject, because I was. No really!  I promise!  The problem was that the classes were held on the top floor of the art building in a warm, cozy auditorium where the lights were always turned off so that we could more easily see the slides.  Also, it probably didn't help that the 3D Design classes and Print Shop were on lower floors of the building, and occasionally fumes from the spray tents would find their way to our floor and deplete oxygen levels.  It was torture. Hand to God, the only way I was able to stay awake through any of those classes was by the liberal use of caffeine pills.  Of course, those pills came along with the yuck-stomach and the fact that I never seemed to take them at the right time.

I've often thought that if I had made more use of the energy drinks and shots available to me at the time, it would have made a world of difference in my final grades!  It wasn't that I didn't know about energy drinks, Red Bull was a brand I liked, but at the time, my meager student bank account couldn't deal with buying the sheer amounts I would have needed to get me through these classes. Red Bull is expensive, yo.

I'm no longer a student and now I can buy all the Red Bull I want!  Of course, I don't need it as badly, but sometimes I will occasionally buy a can just to drink and not necessarily because I need the caffeine.  I actually kind of like the taste, even though it is never really going to taste "good."  Being a fan of the product, I was actually excited to see that they were coming out with some new flavor "Editions."  Since I generally like Red Bull, but always kind of hope the flavor could be improved upon, I was glad to try it!  I'm not sure where I first heard about them, but I finally came across the actual product at a gas station not far from my house.  I grabbed the cans and bought them, probably making the man behind the counter wonder why a woman my age needed so much energy.  There are three new flavors, Silver (Lime), Blue (Blueberry) and Red (Cranberry) and I'm gonna taste them all!

SILVER EDITION

The website describes this as "A truly distinctive addition: The Silver Edition of Red Bull offers a refreshing lime taste, while it vitalizes the body and mind like the Red Bull Energy drink."

My first sip certainly is very tart. It had a very sharp taste that reminded me more of lemon or sour orange than lime, but let's be honest here...citrus is citrus, especially when it's not real citrus, right? (OK, now the word 'citrus' has lost all meaning to me. Citrus.)  It wasn't so bad, but it wasn't very good either.  That probably sounds bad, but honestly, it wasn't terrible.  I didn't like the taste as much as I like the original Red Bull, but then again, maybe I was anticipating it tasting like the original.

* A Few Sips Later*

Nope. Nope, not at all fond of it.  I mean, it isn't gross.  I can drink it.  But the weird, fake lime taste kind of builds the longer you're drinking it.  It's sour, but sourness has never really bothered me.  It's also kind of bitter, like a really strong bottle of lemon-lime Gatorade with a touch of lemon Pledge mixed in.  To add insult to injury, this somehow didn't even light up my brain like the original Red Bull does, unless it went by so fast I missed it.  Can that happen?  My final verdict is:  Bleh.  Pass.

BLUE EDITION

The website states that "It completes the Red Bull Editions with its fruity, blueberry taste."  Oops, does this mean I drank them out of order?  Geez.

Anyways, the Blue Edition Red Bull punches you in the face before you can even take a sip.  When you first open the can, the smell of artificial blueberries is immediate and strong.  It's not a bad smell at all, but it really reminds me of some blueberry scratch-n-sniff stickers I had once!  The taste is much more authentically "blueberry-ish" although it still has that sour taste that I have begun to associate with all of the Red Bull flavors I've tried.  It's actually kind of nice!  It tastes a lot like the blueberries that you get in boxes of muffin mix, you know, the kind that come in a flat can with the vicious blue juice that stains everything it touches.

This is the flavor I was most hesitant to try, because A) A blueberry flavored soda?  B) A blueberry flavored energy drink? and C) Actually, I don't have a C, but it's not really a list if there are only two examples.  Shut up.  I actually really like this one.  It does taste like blueberries, and it sort of smells like blueberries, but the sour taste actually takes it kind of down the "blue raspberry" path, but not so much that you couldn't call it blueberry.  I don't think I've ever tried a soda like this, and it's very interesting.  Also, I love the can design.  Blue is my most favorite color, so I might be a bit biased.  Anyway, so far I think this is the first Red Bull I could describe as being tasty!  Awesome!  My final verdicts is: Thumbs up!  Try it!

RED EDITION

The website says that "The Red Edition has the same high quality ingredients as Red Bull Energy drink and has a sweet cranberry taste."  Hmmmm...that sounds like the copywriter might have run out of interesting things to say about these editions.  "Oh, it's made with good ingredients and tastes like cranberries!"  Maybe he had a dentist appointment to get to and had to finish the advertising really quick.  I don't know.

Actually, the copy is kind of apt.  It does taste like cranberries, although with the distinctive sourness that seems to be a major aspect of all of the Red Bull products I've tried.  I generally enjoy cranberry flavored things, and I liked this Edition just fine, but it didn't really blow my skirt over my head or anything.  I actually had to get another one just to be able to remember what the taste was like, so it's kind of unremarkable.  I hate to say that, because I thought it would be the one I liked the best, but it landed squarely in the MEH category of thinks I've tasted.  I'd probably get it again, though, but just to be polite and because I like the can.

WEBSITE- http://energydrink.redbull.com/

SERVING SIZE: One Can
CALORIES: 110  CARBS: 28
TASTE: Very "Three Little Bears"  Too Yuck (Silver), Too Plain( Red), and Juuuuust Right (Blue)!

CHUAO SPICY MAYA CHOCOLATE BAR

I haven't been eating as much chocolate as I'd like.

Well, actually, that's not 100% true, I'm not eating as much INTERESTING chocolate as I'd like.  Shut up, I'm supposed to be eating better.  If I tell people about the chocolate, I'd have to count it as real food!

I recently ordered a sample collection of Chuao chocolates from Birchbox.  Birchbox is basically a very girly, makeup-beauty-lifestyle subscription service where you get a box of 4 or 5 different kinds of samples in the mail every month.  Sometimes you get awesome stuff and sometimes it's kind of meh, but I love it because I've found a lot of different products that I really like without having to buy a full size product.  Also, I love getting mystery boxes in the mail.  I can't help it.

Anyways, sometimes Birchbox sends samples of snacks in the boxes and since I loved the sample of Chuao that they sent me, I ordered the entire box, which is 7 small bars, all of different types AND they're only 50 calories each.  Not bad, really.  I'd had some of the Chuao chocolate before and I knew I liked it, but I wanted a more complete idea of the bars they offered, so this sample box was a great thing.  Each piece is about two inches long, and about 1/3 of an ounce, so it's enough without being too much.

The first one I tried was called Spicy Maya, which is described as "seductive cinnamon, pasilla chili and warming cayenne bedded in dark chocolate."

It. Was. Amazing.  No, not just amazing, it somehow actually tasted sexy.  I know that isn't going to make much sense, but that is the best word I have.  The chocolate was dark and a little bitter with a good melt (not greasy), the cinnamon and chilies added some heat, and every once in a while I'd hit a bit of chili that was a little bigger than the other pieces and it would add a pop of heat.  There was even a slight after burn in my mouth and on my lips that lingered a while after the chocolate was gone.  It was probably sexy in the same way that Spanish Fly is supposed to be sexy, but I'm not going to question it.  The little chocopod (as the small bars are called) was just the perfect size, too.  Any more of it and I think it would have been too much. I'm sure I could just buy a regular size bar and break it into smaller pieces, but let's face it folks, I don't have that much willpower.  

Oh, chocolate, I've been away way too long.  *Swoon*

PS:  Sorry if this review sounds a bit porny.   I have just really, really, really missed good quality chocolate.  You have no idea.

WEBSITE- www.chuaochocolatier.com

SERVING SIZE: One Bar
CALORIES: 50  CARBS: Package Didn't Say
TASTE: NSFW Language, Y'all.

MAMMA CHIA - BLACKBERRY HIBISCUS

As I mentioned in my last post (which was written about a hundred years ago, give or take a few days) I have been trying to lose weight. The weight loss attempt has been one of the major reasons I haven't reviewed anything lately.  I'm not on a carrots and water only diet or anything, but I haven't really eaten much of anything interesting enough to review.  Regular, healthy food is kind of boring, am I right?  The only times I've really gotten to eat anything new and exciting and reviewable, I'm usually hunched over in a corner, growling at anyone who gets too close, and shoving it into my face at a rate that isn't conducive to actually writing about it.

Plus, y'all, I'm not so good at the whole dieting thing.  I get mean when I get hungry, and unless you wanted to read profanity laced rants about vegetables, I didn't think reviewing would be such a good idea.

However, even though I'm still on the elusive trek of weight loss, I just had something that sort of begged to be reviewed.  BEGGED!  It is a strange little beverage that I picked up at my local Fresh Market and it needs to be talked about.

I don't really know what possessed me to buy this.  Just looking at it kind of gives me the heaves, and as I have fairly well established, I have trouble with anything that has a strange texture, and no matter what one might think just by looking at this stuff, it would have a strange texture.  Bet on that.  When I was looking through the beverage cooler for something new and exciting, I came across this bottle and thought:  "Why not?"  At the very least, I figured, I wasn't actually going to drink this stuff.  I'd just leave it in my fridge until it expired and throw it away unopened because that's how I roll.  But no...this time I made myself promise that I wouldn't waste my money.  If I was going to buy it, then I was going to try it. 

I'm not a novice when it comes to actually consuming chia seeds.  I actually bought a 5 pound bag of them a couple of years ago, just out of curiosity, and have steadily eaten them in one thing or another.  I mean, I'm still not done with that 5 pound bag, but the supply has dwindled.  I've added the weird little seeds to just about everything, even sprinkling them on french fries at one point, but the one thing I would not...could not...make myself do is pour them in liquid and drink them.  I just absolutely couldn't do it.  I tried, I really did, but just the idea of the little gelatinous blobules having to slide down my throat just gagged me.  I'd read that whatever indigenous peoples that the chia seed pushers credit with first eating them used to drink them like that, as some kind of lumpy energy tonic, but I couldn't think about it without seriously almost horfing.

So why did I buy an already mixed bottle of chia seed slime juice?  Well, because it was pretty, OK?  It was pretty!  I liked the color, I liked the shape of the bottle, and the little floaty seeds looked like pearls!  I'm not proud of my reasonings, but there you go.  Don't you dare judge me.  Of course, I also like blackberry and hibiscus flavored drinks, and I figured that if I DID manage to make myself drink this stuff, I'd at least not be put off by the flavor.  Both of those flavors are fairly strong, so even if the drink was grassy or tasted green...the other flavors might cover that up. I was strangely determined to drink this stuff for some reason.

So anyways, as usual, I left the bottle in the fridge for a long, long time.  I kept looking at it and them pushing past it for something else.  I hadn't quite gotten brave enough to try it.  Had it not been for the sheer laziness born out of recovering from a nasty upper respiratory infection, insomnia, food poisoning and a  bad reaction to some codeine cough medicine, I probably would have passed it up again and just made a smoothie.  However, I was too tired and I didn't want to have to clean up my blender, so I grabbed this drink and a protein bar and prepared to try it.

I figured that the best way to deal with it was to just jump in with both feet and take a huge swig to start things off.  I had the protein bar as kind of a safety net, just in case the texture of the drink was too off putting, so with that open and at the ready, I dove in.

My first thought was "Oh, God...it's lumpy. It's slithery...it's, well, it's not so bad, I guess."  I took a chomp off of my protein bar, glad to have a foil to the the slippery, frog-spawn texture of the drink.  The blackberry and hibiscus flavorings were actually pretty good, and it even sort of gave me a kind of impression of eating ripe blackberries.  You know, with the seeds and all.  However, I couldn't keep up the illusion.  As determined as I was to finish the bottle, I had to keep my mind off of what I was doing.  It was like trying to drink Jell-O that had been firmed and then cut into tiny pieces.  Chewing the seeds only made it worse.  The taste was fine but the texture just got more difficult to deal with the more I drank the stuff.  It seemed like I'd never get done with the bottle.  Maybe it was the hydrated seeds that sort of filled up the empty space, but the amount in the bottle didn't seem to go down.  I tempered each sip with a bite of protein bar, and finally just convinced myself that I needed to pound that stuff, just to make it gone.  So I did.  I think I probably could have finished the whole thing if I hadn't looked into the bottle and saw the seeds oozing along the side of the container, but at least I got most of it down.  Whew.

I have to say, it didn't taste bad at all.  I actually liked the flavor I picked out quite a bit.  I was also really, very full when I was done drinking what I could, although some of that has to be attributed to the meal bar I was chowing on while drinking the Mamma Chia.  I even kind of think the name is clever, if you like ABBA puns of course.  Will I ever drink this beverage again?  I can't say that is going to happen.  Granted, I'm happy for the health benefits of the Omega-3s, fiber and calcium that I sucked down.    If the web site is to be believed:

“In terms of nutritional content, a tablespoon of chia is like a smoothie made from salmon, spinach, and human growth hormone. As tiny as those seeds are, they’re superpacked with Omega-3s, protein, calcium, iron, zinc, fiber and antioxidants."

I would certainly prefer to drink another Mamma Chia rather than the smoothie they describe.  I just don't think I could brave the sliminess of the product again.  Do I recommend it?  Sure, if textures don't bother you and you're looking for a new and healthy drink to give you an extra boost, give it a go.  It tastes good and has a lot of good stuff packed into it.  However, if you're like me and you wouldn't be able to get the image of purple frog eggs out of your mind the entire time you're drinking it, give it a pass.  

WEBSITE- www.mammachia.com

SERVING SIZE: One Bottle
CALORIES: 120  CARBS: 20
TASTE: Quite good, if you can get past the frog-egg texture.